I need urlaub. Hardwork internet bizzniz in bulgy.
I decide go Paris. Looki looki at Big Famous Eiflephant Tower.
Why do the stupid french call it Eiflephant Tower? - It really doesn't look like one does it? More like my home made zatelit antenna to watch ukrain füssball.
I find out webbsite Bulgaria Air nicht fly Paris. Only Aeroflot. I nicht never go Aeroflot. Njet. Drunk kapitainz all time and ubgly stewardesses. Brr. Not good.
So. I man of genius. I do some black belt programming internet code [google++] and see on website:
The Paris of the Baltics - Riga.
I think -Where fcuk is diz country Baltics? Probably some stupid schmuck misspell Balcans?
Some more coding... [select * from world where contrie = 'baltics' || 'riga' || or nicht drop ls data on screen\. <~this just example, I do really hard ninja coding]
Komputr come up with bleep, bleep
Baltic = region. Riga = capital in Lithuania.
Well I dig deeper in Internet code and found out more! Baltics is really three countrys, each with own capital. Go figure.
Wha'ever.
So. I go Riga. Riga is biggest and most cosmopolitan Baltic capital according to guide book. The other, Helsinki* and Tallin** sucks. I never do smaller. Or nicht cosmopolitan. Or things that sux.
Well - I summarize trip:
Keine Eiflephant Tower. But really big opera house.
Nice people. Not really like french frog eaters. That is a foppish bunch for sure. I hate foppish. Sounds gay. Frenchmen is gay.
Amazing houses. Well. Nice faćades.
Gutes shopping (Baltman!). I think.
<-- Nice pivo. Aber it is called alus oder bärs. If you ask for pivo they think u need take leak. Nicht as cheap as in Bulgy. Really frekkin expensive actually. Maybe now you ask: "But Kebap-pen, what are the bad side effects going to Riga?" Well I tell - aeropourt! Soo stupid bitch in Check-in Desk. I look on big table - "Sofia, fligh bla bla bala --> check-in desk number 19 to 23"
Well - I frequent flier so I go to correct desk. After standing in queue for hours with bad, unpolite, smelly crowd (mostly polish pungent people) I come to right desk. Very tired.
At desk little rat woman tell me, freqyent flier par excellance,
"Sir - You wrong Desk. Go next desk."
In short reply to mrs schkidmark-for-brain: "No. Look big table. Sofia - number 19-23. Correct desk. Stupid biatch", in really civilized tone.
She put up russian-looking stone face [evil bad babuschka in 1972] and point next queue. I think fcukkin Soviet all over again. No service minded. No sense of bizzniz.
And she smell of diezel.
I know for fact - don't argue with drunk official.
Especially when drunk on diezel.
So I go next queue like good citizen. And stand with apes from Albania.
But they feel like home. And eventually I got home.
So, Riga nicht Paris. Riga better!
But not their drunk airport evil desk dictators.
*) Helsinki: [eng] sinking hell
**) Tallin: [toxic] cohesive, glue - nicht sniff nein. Bad for briain. Look at Georg Michae.
Diese World Wonder from England must be the best komputer that ever was made.
